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Ambition Feels Wrong Right Now

I love ambition. I’m not scared of it. I thrive on it. I always have.

When I proclaimed that I would go to law school at the age of 7, 😲 I had already made up my mind. While most adults thought I was crazy, I didn’t listen to the naysayers. I became laser focused on pursuing the work that mattered most to achieve my goal of being a lawyer. What I know now, is that I started very early in life, developing a mindset that I would need to get me through the harder times to come. My mindset to pursue a dream so intently in the face of adversity was unwavering.

Nothing stood in the way of my goal. In fact, (for better or worse) I viewed college as a stepping stone to law school. I graduated in 2 ½ years with honors and a double major.

Focus. Ambition. Determination.

These are the things that get me all excited, the butterflies in the morning as I sip my coffee at 4:45am. Any other early birds out there? 💁‍♀️

But right now, the outward projection of those very traits that I have relied my entire professional life on, feel wrong. The timing is off. I don’t know how to blend my feelings of ambition, which haven’t gone away, it’s who I am, with the heaviness of the global pandemic.

The scientific evidence that it’s getting worse before it gets better is grim. There is a significant chance the economy is about to collapse. That’s real. I feel that too.

So how does a girl who is naturally “glass half full” shift her way of operating?

I’m processing like everyone else. I see the light. I see the opportunity. I see the community helpers. I’m not living in the doom and gloom, but that doesn’t mean I’ve put my head in the sand.

So there is an internal debate going on for me as someone who believes we have the gift of choice. We get to choose how we show up and how we respond to things we can’t control.

I know I’m not the only one feeling this way. I talk to the Margin Makers in my Community, they are also ambitious women who have a positive mindset, and we’re all processing this new normal. We don’t know what this will look like moving forward or what it will look like when this is all over. We have a sense that what we knew before will never be the same again.

And that weighs heavy on my ambitious heart.

Can anyone else relate?

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